Jasper would never get over the feeling of being a little to young, a little too tall or a little too childish. A little too bright or a little too dark. A little too loud and taking up a little too much space. Taylor would pull back when they talked and Saul always kept things from him; they didn’t tell him everything, always left something out. Sam was always so nice, almost a little too nice. There was never anything wrong. Senai and Nicholas doted on him (or looked down on him). He would never get close to Amen. Clara was the only one who told him no or asked him for favors. She was the only one who dared to move him to get the space she needed. Jasper would sometimes think, he could never have found a more fitting person to spend the rest of his life with.
But nothing lasts forever, right? Things changed and Jasper was pushed away. Not directly. Not permanently. It was not that they didn’t want to be with him or have his help it was just…
” I don’t want you to get involved, you shouldn’t have to bother with my problems”
“You wouldn’t understand and… that’s good I don’t… I don’t think I want you to understand”
“You can’t do anything”
“You’re moving away, you should leave without any reason to come back”
“Don’t leave anything behind that you would regret”
He didn’t understand- because no one told him or explained it to him. They wanted him to “stay innocent” and always smile.
The party they threw in his honor of changing schools, because his parents had finally come to pick him up and take him with them, was much like every party they ever threw. The only difference was: no alcohol. And no alcohol meant a shy Sam and an easily bored Taylor. Jasper went home early. Saul followed in an hour. He said Senai had gotten a weird fit and Nicholas and Taylor was taking him to the hospital. Jasper could barely muster a “will he be alright” because he knew the answer: “I don’t know”.
With Amen they knew, the answer to the question was “yes”. Yes, he wouldn’t dare to wreck himself to that extent so: yes, he’ll be alright. The answer to Taylor was “No”. No because, yes, he do dare to wreck himself to that extent and there is no one, not even Sam, that knows how to stop him. No, he will not be alright, but who will ever?
Senai just was. He didn’t wreck or build he just sat and starred at the building blocks.
Jasper wanted them to talk to him. Tell him why. Answer what. Tell him how. But they leaned closer to each other and closed him out, consciously or unconsciously. He was outside. Even Clara started to look at him like he would fall apart if she even touched him. She never asked but he knew she wanted to.
“Will you take me with you?”