So, back into the writing phase, hopefully… and this is a raw piece that I just wrote… and, I’ll hopefully develop it.
(The first part is kinda~
, but I’m working on it :3!)
I didn’t expect it to happen.But when It really did, when I really fell in love, I fell so hard it was basically impossible to stand up again.
I’ve never been too much of a social person; I don’t really know how I “should” act in different situations and it feels like I’m always doing something wrong. As a girl there are certain ways you have to act to get the right attention and not get walked over. But I’m tall, I speak too little and I don’t have any womanly features at all, people take me seriously in a different way and I never know if I like it or not. Wear a skirt now or then, my mother tells me. But I don’t think so…
That day, I think, ten-eleven years ago, that day, I learnt that doing things wrong is what we’re made for; so we can learn by our mistakes and do better, do new, do right.
Whatever the reason, I wasn’t wearing a jacket that day. I think, maybe I didn’t believe in the weather reporter that morning as I usually did. But when I was midst closing the door to my apartment, the rain started. I was already late so I started running through the ever thickening rain, down the street and through the park, almost all the way. But when the rain fell like a shower and it was impossible for me to stay dry, I hurried under a sheltered area of the playground at the park and crouched together to keep warm. This caused me to get an hour late, because I couldn’t keep going until the rain calmed down a little, so when I finally stepped into the hall of my new school, I had missed practically everything of the regular introduction. I obviously knew no one and nothing, so I just casually joined a group of people that looked like my age and followed them to the next classroom. Standing in front of a classroom with a sign that said: “English” I noticed how I horribly stood out among those who I ha followed. Not that I realized that we were in a totally different age; which we were, but that my figure amongst theirs felt like an abomination. Tall and skinny with manly broad shoulders and slim form, with them being relatively short and curvy as freaking hell with chest and butt visual under their tight t-shirts in bright colors and short, short, skirts. I held my breath and took a few steps back. Then one of them, a round faced dark haired girl with a pink-green striped shirt, looked up at me. Her eyes showed no sign of recognition but then she smiled and took my arm in a steady grip.
“Tell me honey” she said in a really soothing yet mean voice.
“Where do you think you are?” I heard laughter amidst the others and I stared dumbfounded back at her without answering. Then another of them said: “you’re handsome, sure you’re not in a class above?” I searched for the one who talked but could barely decipher the difference between them.
“N… no I…” I tried, but then a third one a answered the second one: “then she would be a third-year and she doesn’t look like one…” the first girl looked back at her pack then up at me.
“What’s your class honey” this time, she sounded nicer, like she really wanted to help.
I was just about to answer that I didn’t know; That I probably were very lost and that I maybe could ask them for help… when I saw a tall shadow lit in bright red fire pass through the crowd and I forgot how to breath.
She was not as tall as me though, the shadow, but she stood out just as I did. But when she walked through the bright colored bunch of girls with her black turtleneck and bright red hair, they looked back at her with eyes that I found hard to understand. It was almost… lust, of some sort.
She turned and our eyes meet, hers, surrounded by a pair of thick dustblack glasses, deep dark brown with a glimpse of bright yellow. She hurried to look away and I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw an older woman run towards me with a piece of paper high in the air and grayish brown hair in a mess.
“Liz?! Lizeth?! Oh, how I’ve been searching!” She gasped as the black haired girl let go of my arm and smiled before melting into the crowd and I meet the woman halfway.
“I’m so sorry… miss Harrison right?” I said and heard how my voice sounded perfectly sad enough.
“Oh yes, we talked on the phone, I’m so happy you came, I was scared you wouldn’t” I nodded and glanced back at the group of people now being led into the classroom by short and skinny dark skinned man with shiny glasses. He looked back at me and then shut the door after himself.
“Well…” I said and looked back at miss Harrison “I’m here now”
She wasn’t anything special, miss Harrison I mean. She was like any ordinary older lady. She was pretty alone and was in ownership of over five different dogs but, overall she was… nothing special. Tiny, hair like a poodle and eyes big and pale blue underneath her huge circle formed glasses. I found it a little hard looking he run the eyes when we talked so she always assumed I wasn’t telling her the truth about things.
“Oh the rain, of course…” she smiled and patted the lower part of my arm, as she could not reach any further.
“It’s good you didn’t get too wet, we don’t want you to catch a cold now do we!” She said cheerfully as she led me down the empty hallway to my soon to be classroom.
“And don’t worry, it is as my mother always told me, better late then ever, or , the best people always come a little late!” She said it like she really thought it would make any difference. I just nodded and felt the fear of an entire new class’s menacing aura lurk behind the door at the end of the hall. They had already had a whole semester to get to know each other, if not this morning was enough, I was late practically a whole year. It felt like nothing could ever get me to blend in now, I would just be that one transfer student who always stood precisely out of sight and everyone asked for me, then forgot why they even cared.
I sighed. Miss, Harrison smiled and told me to “fret not” and that they were prepared for my arrival.
Then she opened the door and walked in. I just carefully followed her inside and hurried up at the corner of the front of the classroom, without looking anywhere else in the room but my big feet.
“This is Lizeth Granh, she’s the new transfer student. Now she had a tough time in her last school so you all give her a little slack right. Treat her well” miss Harrison went on and then she told me to go to the back of the classroom an sit down by “Maddison” because it was the “only” seat that was empty.
I scurried over and slumped down beside this Maddison.
I glanced over at her as miss Harrison started talking about her oldest dog, and was meet by a pair of greyish blue crystal eyes surrounded by pale pink hair.
“Hello, my name is Maddison” she said, and I nodded, because I knew.
“Liz” I said hastily and looked down at the table. I heard how she made a snorting sound and then someone came from my right and tapped me on my shoulder.
A boy with dark hair and wrists covered in bracelets leaned over from the neighbor table with a smile glued to his face.
“My name is John, pleased to meet you!”
I stared at him for a couple of seconds, not entirely sure what he wanted or… needed, from me. But then I nodded and said my name and he sat back in his chair while facing towards. I just glanced up at miss Harrison one last time, then lost myself in deep thoughts about the rain and why I didn’t bring my jacket and how I would never ever go outside again without a jacket.
Just for the record, only two weeks later I was caught in a hazel storm without a jacket and I fell sick in some kind of nasty cold for almost ten days; It was horrible.
It took half a semester for me to blend into the class and I believe it was all my fault that it took that long. A lot of my classmates tried to include me at any time but I was horribly unwilling for some reason, and they soon gave up and stopped caring. It was when I, probably for the first time, asked one of the “popular” ones if I could eat lunch at their table, when everyone suddenly gained new hope and jumped over me like hungry animals as I sat down.
The table I sat at was constructed to be a very effective and interesting table. There was at least one person of every sort there and each of them all had something to say that to them was very important but obviously, only, to them.
“Alex” the boy I had asked for a seat from said as I sat down. I wondered if they really thought I didn’t know that; that I was too stupid or cared to little to even learn their names after such a long time, but I nodded and said hi as they presented themselves one after the other.
They were ten, usually eleven but Angeline was sick that day.
It was Alex who played football, Jhon who had highest score in everything since middle school, Mimmi who played the violin and her twin brother Mike who didn’t do anything at all but read comics. Iris, Chris, Sarah, Baxter and Rocky and Robbin who never spoke to each other but always spoke to everyone else. When they were done they all leaned forward and starred at me like they wanted me to follow their example. I raised my hand awkwardly and said in a monotone:
“I’m Liz, nice to meat you” then I hurried to add a haflassed smile and they all shone like Fairy Lights on Christmas. They started talking about all and everything and before any of them were done with anything, I rose to take my leave and thy didn’t even notice. I looked at their table from the stairs and laughed a little at how it looked; ten heads tightly fit together in a bunch over their plates, like small animals keeping the warmth on a cold autumn night.
As I walked up the stairs from the cafeteria to the main hall, I passed the group of girls I met on my first day at school. One of them recognized me, but didn’t say hello. Instead she whispered something to the others and they giggled loudly as they passed.
“Don’t care about them” a deep melodic voice said a few steps above me, and I turned my attention to them. On top of the stairs in saw the girl with red hair and glasses and a, possible friend of her’s stop to look down at me. Her friend was a boy, taller than her and with orange hair so piercing it hurt my eyes too look at it. It was him who had talked and he took a few steps towards me and gave me a pitying look from underneath his moonformed glasses.
“They can’t act normally around people they’re interested in, and I’ll tell you, at least three of them has a crush on you” he said as he smiled faintly and kept going. I just stood still, slightly confused as the girl passed me to, and they both disappeared.
I fought the urge to run after them and tell them something. I don’t know what, just… something.
“I can’t talk to other people because I believe they’re always judging me. I don’t want people to think I’m a certain way just because I look like a specific character… I would like at least one friend that choose me over anyone else…” I couldn’t really say any of those things, but I wanted to.
I hurried up the stairs and towards my classroom.